What is love? Is it worth fighting for? Can we truly be loved by or love others?
*Disclaimer- this article does not apply to abusive relationships
NLT 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
This is what love is. I know it sounds trite but if you read it slowly and think about what it means, isn't it kind of incredible? Have you ever had the joy of being loved like this? I didn't fully understand what it meant until recently. For just a moment I had the overwhelming sorrow of loving the way God calls us. My heart was broken so deeply that it was a physical pain, but in that sorrow I found the truest love I've ever known. It is an all consuming, forgiving, beautiful, hopeful kind of thing just the way Paul describes it in 1 Corinthians. It is serving and unselfish and always kind. Despite whatever it has to endure, it will, and there is peace in that. That does not mean we need to stay in certain situations; you can still love people while keeping your distance. For the love I have that I know will endure, I pray every day; not for myself, but for them, that all their needs and desires would be met in God's will.
We can only love because God loved us first. This is the way He loves us, and the way He models it for us in Jesus. It baffles me that God, who is so infinite, chose us and continues to choose us every day. Think of the worst heartbreak and disappointment you've ever experienced. God goes through this every single day in every moment with countless billions of people because He loves each of us so deeply, and we are so prone to messing up. In His love and grace He always picks us up instead of giving up. His love endures.
The Greeks had 7 different words for love. The Greek agape is the unconditional, sacrificial love that does not ask for anything in return. This is the kind of love Jesus has for us and it's the kind I want to have for him. Though I fall short every day, Jesus never will. I like to think of Peter and the time Jesus asked him three times if he loved Him. Jesus said "Peter, do you agape me?" and each time Peter replied, "Lord, you know I phileo you." All Peter could manage in return was a brotherly love. Peter was in Jesus's innermost circle and that was the most he could give; and even though Jesus loved him so much more than the phileo that he was getting in return, He accepted Peter and said something like "ok, if that is the best you can do, that's good enough."
It wasn't good enough because Peter was good enough, it was because Jesus was good enough. Jesus willingly went to his gruesome death for Peter, for me, for you. And he would do it again in a heartbeat.
Sometimes in our relationships the other person will let us down, as we ourselves sometimes let the other person down. This spans all kinds of relationships: work, friends, couples, mentorships, etc. It's hard to love someone in such a self sacrificing way all the time, and it is a choice to make every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. It comes with heartbreak. The world wants us to cancel people, ghost them, cut them out of our life, and just leave when things don't feel good. And sometimes your situation won't work out the way you want. But fighting for your relationships is always worth it, in every kind of relationship. It's uncomfortable, painful even, but if that kind of love doesn't change the one you care about, it will change you and they will see it. Sometimes fighting for someone looks like taking a step back and praying for them instead of putting yourself in a bad place. Other times it looks like confronting your loved one about a self destructive behavior. In all times, this is what we are called to do, our greatest command - Love others.
I encourage you to try this kind of love in all of your relationships, to really focus on making the other person feel loved, without expecting anything back. A loving person who gives freely is often easily loved by others. Whether anyone else loves us, God always will, and the greater, more fulfilling, focus should be on how we love others. When it gets hard to go on, hold on to God's promise that He loves you always.
I'm not sure how you ended up here, but thank you for reading, and I hope you got something out of it!
With love and blessings,
Margarita
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