I've been putting this post off for a few weeks because I didn't want to write it and I don't want to share it. However, this has been on my heart, and I hope my sharing this helps someone in their own walk. Please enjoy :)
I had a horrible realization recently that I struggle with pride. God has been slowly and gently revealing that to me. I noticed fleeting and only sometimes joking thoughts like I'm so talented, or I really am humble, or I'm not important enough to be a mess like that, or if it was me I would do this, or I can do this by myself…
All of these thoughts revolve around pride. It crept up on me slowly, starting with independence and a fierce need not to rely on anyone but myself. Not even God. I wanted to and sometimes still want to do everything myself and never owe anyone anything. It was protective, a control mechanism, and now it's habit. It developed in me a need for control and a tendency toward judgment. God has been tackling those two symptoms in me for years and most times I can catch myself before I take my life in my hands instead of going to God first, and look at others as God's people first instead of the ways they might be inconveniencing me at the time (especially when driving; we're still working on the road rage lol.) But now we are getting to the root of these sins I struggle with - pride.
And while God was walking me through this, He showed me where it stemmed from. In the absence of outright arrogance, I think pride can be hard to detect, but mine is a generational struggle in my family. My dad, who I love dearly, has always been, as far as I can remember, a very capable leader type of person. His nickname is "Mr. Fix It" in our house. He is always handed control in various situations whether it's work or social, etc., and he comes up with a solution. And the problem is he is usually right. He wouldn't ever claim to be a leader, and he is still baffled why he's regarded highly amongst his peers, but he has a definite opinion on the right and wrong way to do things and has factual answers to opinion questions. It's much more nuanced than I have words or time for, but I know I inherited this from my dad, who got it from his dad, who may have even gotten it from his dad. We can convince ourselves that we alone have the answer, we may struggle to answer to others, and we will refuse help when we think we can do it better or faster alone.
Aside from the things that can stem from pride, the main problem with it, is that we are meant to live in community. Pride can quickly turn to arrogance and a holier-than-thou attitude. God meant us to take care of each other and serve others; loving others is second only to loving God. There are lots of different ways pride prevents us from participating in community.
The one I'm most guilty of is refusing help because of my independence, in a way isolating myself. I'm lucky to have friends who don't put up with that and would do anything for me whether I asked for it or not. It's made it much easier to accept help willingly, and to ask when I really need it. One of the biggest lessons I've learned in this is that by refusing help, you aren't only hurting yourself. You rob the opportunity to serve from someone else. Since we are meant to serve others, God knit the world together in such a way that it actually makes the server happy. Think about a time you've done something nice for someone else. Doesn't it just make you smile? It doesn't even matter if they appreciate it or say thank you, it just plain feels good to go even a little bit out of your way to do a nice thing for others. Let people show up for you, show grace, and be a blessing.
A variation of refusing help is by reason of false humility - not accepting something under the excuse that you think someone else needs it more than you do. Maybe you do think someone else needs it more, but it doesn't make it humility just because you don't want to bother anyone else. And sometimes people do this for different reasons, but I think it's a form of pride to think yourself so terrible that no one could or should help you. It's like saying "I'm the best at being the worst and I want to keep this lousy gold medal because it's all I have." It's a form of control over one's own life, just in a more negative way of relying on the worst. But no one can claim a special status of being so awful that God doesn't want you. He loves you so. Self-deprecation does not make you humble, and God loves His people too much for anyone to talk that way about themselves.
So how do we challenge our own pride? By patience. Patience is better than pride, it is the antithesis to pride. I've mentioned humility a lot in this article, but I heard someone say recently that patience is the antithesis of pride (I think it may have been Lisa Harper or someone on her podcast) and I think they were right. Patience is the practice that battles pride. When I have patience and listen to someone else's opinion, and I mean listen not just to hear or entertain while being somewhere else mentally, it makes me slow down and consider. I may still think I'm right, but I can be softer and kinder for it. When I get frustrated or angry about long, slow lines, I try to remember that I'm no more important than the person in front of me which helps me have patience and my pride subsides.
Patience is a sweet salve to the wounds of pride. It is part of the fruit of God and something He helps us produce when we draw near Him and work toward being more like Him. So let's replace pride with patience, let others be there for you, and do the same for others. Let's be neighbors again.
As always, thank you for reading, I hope something spoke to your heart.
With love and blessings,
Margarita
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