How do we wait on the Lord? Truly I am still trying to figure this out. It’s so hard. It's always so hard, I’m not convinced it's something we ever learn how to do.
We trust Him; we proclaim that we trust Him, but do we really? My carefully constructed prayers usually include that of course I trust God, lead me where I need to be. But sometimes when I proclaim my trust, there’s a niggling doubt, a voice of truth prompting me to be honest with myself. Evaluate that claim. Do I trust Him? This usually leads to a more emotionally raw prayer, and sometimes I catch myself pushing my own understanding over God’s will. Yeah, yeah, I trust Him, but I just want…
And I have to think about what that means. If I want something more than I trust God to provide me with that, then I am working in my own strength, which will inevitably lead to failure, frustration, and burnout. Sometimes it's hard to trust Him to provide because it might be something He doesn't want to give us, or maybe we think by the time He gets around to it, it will be too late. I've felt that before and I have days where I still wrestle with it, even when I know the truth:
God is always good and He is never late. He provides all we need. This is the truth, it is written in His Word which existed long before anything else.
When we remember that truth, our feelings show in those moments we think we know better than our Creator. We are guilty of thinking we alone know what is good for us, what we want, when we want. And as much as I want to think I'm right, I know I don't always know what's good for me. If I knew that and could do everything in my own strength, then I would never have any problems. That isn't how this world works.
So then why doesn't God give us what we want when we pray? Sometimes He does, sometimes He doesn't, and sometimes it's delayed. I think it's about heart posture, the growth in the valley, and relationship instead of request. God provides what we need, and that can sound crazy, even callous when we are or someone we know is struggling. Part of struggle is to choose belief instead of despair. His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. When we don't receive an answer to a desperate prayer, it's not because we didn't pray hard enough or didn't have enough faith. God knows best. And many times when we choose to follow Him through those trials, He will eventually tell us why it had to be that way. He won't always explain, but goodness is His nature, so we can trust Him in those times. I know that is easy to say and hard to practice, and I don't have anything to make it easier, but He promises to always be with us.
There are times when our heart posture is bent toward the earth instead of lifted toward heaven. Heart posture is the intent behind your prayers, a motivation of sorts. And when we ask things like “Make me famous and I'll always talk about You, God” that is often a person asking something for their own gain, their own glory. Intent matters to God. He gave different consequences, lighter repercussions, in the Old Testament law for accidental death because it's different than intentionally killing a human being made in God’s image. If the intent behind our prayers is focused more on us than on God’s glory and His people, then it's likely that we are asking for something that would end up damaging us. Very few people can handle fame and riches because it lessens our reliance on God, and increases the risk of idolatry. As said before, no matter how much we think we know everything, we do not always make the best decisions for our lives.
We tend to get weary in the waiting. I'm guilty of this. It's exhausting to persevere when everything looks uncertain or like it's going the opposite way of what you're hoping for. But these are often the times when God is showing us ways to grow, where He is leading us to the next place. These times are active, not a pause for self-pity. I have struggled with depression in these times when it looks like nothing is right or like nothing is happening, so I know it can be hard to be active in the waiting. But when we allow Him to carry us through in His timing and strength, it prepares us for the blessing He is leading us toward, and we are able to fully embrace that blessing when it comes time.
Waiting usually encourages reliance on God too. He wants a relationship with us. Part of relationship is reliance. It's funny that we are ready to rely on our parents, friends, spouses, etc. to fulfill certain needs and yet, relationship with God is all of those things and more and we often can't stand relying on Him. Maybe I speak only for myself saying that, but I get frustrated when only God can do something that I want or need and I have to rely on Him to provide. If I can't make it happen myself, then what? Am I a failure? Am I going to be able to pay my bills? Things can feel uncertain and I loathe uncertainty; I want stability. But God knows this and provides the best for us. It doesn’t always feel this way when you are homeless or have too much debt to handle or a sick relative, and the list goes on. How can this be His best for us? Struggling is part of life and Christians endure it too. But these are times when God shows us His heart. There is a reason He is close to the brokenhearted. When we are at our most desperate because everything else we’ve strived to do fails, He is there, waiting to gently lift us up.
Thank you for reading, I hope something spoke to your heart.
With love and blessings,
Margarita
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